Going Through The Motions.....

      Life seemed to return to normal (as normal as it can be) for a few weeks. I was on cloud nine being pregnant  again and my husband truly seemed excited about having another baby and was so sorry for what he did. I thought okay this was a one time mistake, he loves me everyone makes mistakes right? On July 4th something didn't feel right- I went to the ER and was told I had lost the baby. I cried the whole way back to the campground, I laid in bed that night and my husband decided to tell me he was relieved. Talk about a whole new wave of pain....I went through the next few weeks numb, terrified about my marriage, devastated over losing a baby and just not feeling good about myself!

     That year my birthday fell on a Friday, it was also the day I was scheduled to go back to the doctors for my re-check after my miscarriage. I dreaded it. When I got there they decided to take a pregnancy test to make sure my numbers had fallen, they hadn't! They ended up giving me an ultrasound and found a strong beating heart! From that day on he was dubbed the miracle baby in our house!

     When I shared the news with my husband he was mad. He no longer wanted another baby, every time I would get sick he would say "good you wanted this." He was heartless. I was sick from morning sickness but the stress made it so much worse. I ended up in the hospital for fluids a few times and he acted like he could care less.
 
    In August, things went south again. He had to go into work early and told me he was going to the zoo with a male co-worker.....what a dumb lie have you ever seen two grown men go to the zoo together? It came out that he was with the other woman again....scared and sick I listened as he begged for forgiveness told me he was so sorry and he would never do it again and loved me more than anything.....and of course I fell for it.

    I told him the only way he was coming back was if he started therapy again and we went to couples counseling together. He agreed and that started the weekly sessions of hashing things out. I truly thought we were on the road to recovery. His attitude still wasn't great but to me it seemed like it was getting better....... Oh how I was wrong........